A Christmas Quandry

December 25th is more than a birthday: it's the most important day of the year. I mean it's more imporant for the US economy. The celebrations start with door busters the day after Thanksgiving, maybe even intruding on Thanksgiving, and ending with bargains well into January. Now, here comes Pope Benedict with the news that the 25th has nothing to do with the birth of Christ. It was a blunder of a 6th century monk who got mixed up with the calendar. And that's not the only error Benedict points out but let's not go there and instead concentrate on the important issue, when was Santa Claus born? Santa has no cross to bear, he's resurrected each and every year. When you listen to Eartha Kitt singing “Santa Baby” you're already in heaven. Still, there are mysteries to clear up. He visits every home in every town. He always came to my town on the Canadian prairie. We didn't even have to dream of a White Christmas, it came to town with Santa. Every year he makes a list and checks it twice because he wants to know who's been naughty and nice. How does he deal with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: he's on both lists! Better give him what he wants.

Have the movies lost it?

I read this week that attendance and revenue are down this year. I go to the movies quite often so it isn't my fault. However most films aren't made for me. “Dark Knight”? Not! A young woman said she didn't care for stories about the past, such as “The King's Speech” preferring modern stories like “The Social Network”, which is really just an update of “What Makes Sammy Run?” from the 1940's. Who wants costume stuff anyway, like Shakespeare and Ibsen, when you can see attractive young people ready to emote, mate and sometimes marry. I saw “Argo” this week and liked the script and the direction even though it's really an update on the WWII Errol Flynn escape movie: “Desperate Journey”--the one where the Nazi interrogator asks Ronald Reagan's character his nationality and Reagan answers, “Half American, half New Jersey”. A young guy in London said that he craved good writing but “Chinatown” was all he could find. I said, “I'll give you two wonderfully written films: “Double Indemnity” and “All about Eve”. He'd never heard of either one. One cheerful note, they're going to make some new Star Wars” episodes: “The Empire Holds an Election”? You can always count on remakes so look for: “King Kong in Hong Kong” with Jackie Chan and “The Count of Monte Cristo on Mars”, with Will Farrell. Anything that boosts the box office.

How to spend millions and annoy everybody

No, I'm not talking about the New York Yankees, I mean the round-the-clock bombardment of political advertising here in Las Vegas. More political commercials have aired here than anywhere else. It is the most saturated media market in the country, churning at the rate of 10,000 spots a week. I had insomnia last week and turned on the TV and there was a Crossroads message at 4 in the morning! Because I'm an Independent I'm in the crosshairs of Crossroads getting robocalls day after day. This is no way to befriend a voter. I don't care who they nominate I'm voting the straight Democratic ticket. There's an ancient saying in the advertising world where the client says, “I know half my money is wasted but I don't know which half.” I do: the half spent by the losers.

Incompetent nonsense

That's what ad legend David Ogilvy called the commercials he was seeing, and that was years ago. You can see it today in the barrage of adolescent bathroom humor and irrelevant messages aimed at the young. Lots of unshaven young men in bars with their condoms and credit cards swizzling beer with single young ladies. What's the message? It's not taste or value and certainly not up-market status. You can see it in the worst campaign on the air: Geico insurance. Ogilvy also said there were no good ads, only good campaigns and Geico is a cacophony of conflicting campaigns that includes flying pigs, banjo players and a lizard with a down-market English accent. I was told as a young copywriter to avoid borrowed interest such as opening a commercial with an erupting volcano and saying: “Speaking of volcanoes have you tried our coffee?” It's all volcanoes now with little time for product benefits. The missing link is good copy. The art guys and the producers are calling the shots and the poor copy guy is still pleading: “What does it mean?” McLuhan warned that television would pollute the thought environment and I now think that today's advertising is obstructing the economy by not serving our real needs. We're in a tough recession. We need real ideas for frugal, intelligent living not big dumb wasteful dollars supporting overpriced brands. The iconoclastic adman Howard Gossage tells the story of a soap company owner who says that if his ad spending stopped his market share would drop, and Gossage's answer was, “Would anyone in America be any dirtier?” You can still sell with taste, wit and class. Maybe I shouldn't be blaming the agencies since they're only in it to make a buck. Perhaps we have to get down on all fours and look at it from the client's point of view.

What we're seeing is manufactured rage

That's the astute phrase Salman Rushdie used on the Charlie Rose show this week. He usually knows what he's talking about. Many years ago Salman and I worked for the same ad agency in London. He would pop into my office from time to time to hold forth on world events and expound on US history, which he knew far better than I did. Unfortunately he couldn't write an ad to save himself. He was promptly fired clearing the way for him to become one of the world's foremost authors. Growing up in India he knew the Muslim world but he didn't foresee that he would be the object of their hatred and lose eleven years of life in hiding from the Ayatollah's fatwa. Ambassador Chris Stevens lost all of his life to Muslim terrorists. Chris was the perfect emissary to Libya. He spoke the language fluently and the people there loved him. It didn't matter to the thugs. He was a lifelong friend who went to my alma mater, UC Berkeley, where he learned, as I did, that it is better to be rich in experiences than material things. I've been to the middle east as a tourist and found it awesome (Karnak, Jerusalem and Santa Sophia) and scary ( a snake charmer in Marrakesh chasing me with the snake because I didn't pay him $1 for snapping his picture). If you want a safe middle east experience, don't' go to Egypt, go to the Luxor in Las Vegas. It's clean, friendly fun in a pyramid, and you may even meet Cleopatra. Rage is the Muslim metier de jour. So stupid. So hopeless. Millions of guys who need a shave and a job, and no chance of ever getting either. Or go to the zoo where the wild animals are kept behind bars.

Chris Stevens, a brave American

“How do these things happen”?, said Hilary Clinton in her announcement that Ambassador Chris Stevens had been killed by terrorists in the US Consulate in Benghazi, Libya. I think this happens when a person puts his own safety second to the cause he is fighting for, a cause he believes in. Orwell did it by going to fight for the Republic in the Spanish Civil War. He escaped, just barely, with a bullet wound to the throat. Chris couldn't escape the relentless barrage of bullets and rockets aimed at his Consulate. He lived a life of purpose, not settling for a life in an air-conditioned office in Washington writing memos. He served in the Peace Corps in Morocco and in the Foreign Service in many middle east postings. He was fluent in Arabic and could mingle with the people. He wasn't into palace intrigues and big power posturing he was a soldier for democracy. I'm especially grateful to his father, Jan, for his very deft introduction to my wife Peggy. We celebrate our 55th anniversary September 14th. I have pictures of Chris and our son Tony when they were three years old, along with our daughter Alison who was just an infant. Chris was a classmate of Alison's at UC Berkeley. Through the years we saw him grow and mature to be intelligent without being pedantic; handsome without being vain and dedicated without being arrogant. Now he belongs to the shared history of our country. In the words of the poet Phillip Larkin: All the uncaring, intricate, rented world begins to rouse...the sky is white as clay, with no sun...work has to be done”. As Secretary Clinton reminded us: “We need more Chris Stevenss”.

Pinocchio Paul Ryan

He fibs, he lies, he exaggerates and his nose grows longer and longer but what can you expect from a wooden dummy. You can't see who's pulling the strings but it's probably that arch-enemy of the truth, Karl Rovespierre. Of course he's only a hired hand working for the people who own the tent: casino clown Sheldon Adelson and the shadowy Koch brothers. Lord Acton said that power corrupts and in America that means too much money corrupts. Something comes to mind from the distant past. When famed criminology professor Orlando Wilson was appointed Chicago Chief of Police his main job was to clean up the bribery and corruption. In a meeting a cop asked, “How do we stop corruption?” Wilson said, “Start by paying for your cup of coffee on the beat”. All the money pouring into the political commercials is subject to the two parts of the message: concept and execution. Anyone with money to burn can do the execution but without a real, energizing, thoughtful concept it's just million dollar wallpaper. So, as the great Republican, Sonny Bono, said, “The beat goes on”. We shall see what works on November 6th. When our little wooden boy sings “there are no strings on me”, and falls flat on his face, Jiminey Cricket says, “OK, make a fool of yourself, then maybe you'll listen to your conscience”. After he twirls and spins and the audience claps, Jiminey says, “They like him, he's a success”. Sure, but only in cartoons.