Spam, Scam, Thank You Mam!

It started last month when a scheme slithered into my mail box. Voila, it contained a check for $4400 made out to me from a real bank. I had to do a few routine things such as remit some of it to people I’ve never heard of, but hey, a lot of it was mine to keep. I showed it to my bank manager and he said he would gladly deposit it but if it didn’t clear in ten days I would be stuck with a big fee and my own checks would be cashed. Actually, anyone could smell a rat in this one: a big check for doing very little, in this market! Hope springs eternal in the human breast. (1)
Two came in yesterday. One was simply a blatant chain letter. Send money to the top name and insert yourself at the bottom. Oh, and also buy 400 labels from them. Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive (2) This is a Stone Age scam but it proves that a sucker is born every minute (3).
The other was more polished and was triggered by two of the seven deadly sins: sloth and greed. It was titled Document of Award Payment and featured a check for $1,400,000. This is something Publisher’s Clearing House told me about when I subscribed to the ultra-thin Time magazine. I thought it was kosher. But I took time to read it carefully. It had no real sender’s name or address and it made some glaring mistakes in English, but you can see that in the newspaper every day. What I noticed was the check mark to enclose $19.99 basically to prove that I was me. It had nothing to do with Publishers Clearing House. What do ya think, I’m dumb or something? (4)
These are decidedly simple scams, unlike the big money rip offs in mortgages and derivatives but they are booby trapped just the same.
Schemers love dreamers, but folks, just put your dreams away for another day. If it says Act now, Urgent, Offer expires in five minutes, click here, only $47 for the secret to a six figure income I suggest you Act Now and throw it in the trash can and click the spam button. Never give these suckers an even break. (5)
(1) Alexander Pope, (2) Sir Walter Scott, (3) P.T Barnum (4) Lena Lamont in Singin’ in the Rain. (5) W.C. Fields Quotations courtesy of www.ask.com