Friday, September 16, 2011

Swiss miss hits UBS

Once upon a time I worked in Zurich, where serious money resides year round. They were dull, diligent people, just the right sort to handle my money when I had real money.
Today’s paper said that they took a hit of $2 billion in losses when a trader in London obviously hit the wrong buttons on his computer. My days with UBS are long over but in the heady days of the 80’s and 90’s I was riding high with them. Luxury boxes in LA and NY. Fine dinners in the executive dining room with a view of Rockefeller Center. Who wouldn’t want to sit in a room with Gregory Peck in the Bel Air Hotel while some guy in a grey suit with a suitable accent told us how brilliant we were with our money. My account executive whispered to me that the people in the room represented $8 billion of private wealth. By the way, if you have seven figure money where are you going to deposit it: the corner bank? I was probably influenced by “The Thomas Crowne Affair”, the one with Steve McQueen playing sexy chess with Faye Dunaway. So that’s how the rich have fun, at least in my fantasy. That was long ago, in a galaxy far, far away. The Swiss, like their cheese, are full of holes now. Harry Lime was right, 700 years of democracy and brotherly love and what did they give the world: the cuckoo clock--the kind you find in the executive offices of UBS.

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