Friday, May 28, 2010

Forbes magazine: bastion of useless information

Forbes is running a piece called "The 10 best places to live". No. 1 is Vienna. Ja, hier ist eine gute stadt aber kann mann sprecht Deutsch? What, can't speak German? Well, that won't help you with others on the list such as Zurich, Munich and Dusseldorf. I worked in Zurich and dutifully took by German language lessons and it was all I could do to order lunch and a beer in the language. Vancouver is on the list. It's my home town and is very livable if you like rain and a provincial zeitgeist (you can use German there, too). There isn't a single US city on the list. This is lazy journalism. There is no sociological reason for anyone to live in these places other than the ones that already do. There's the travel brochure and then there's reality. Know a good place to live: Detroit (in 1964), London (in 1967-72), Newport Beach, CA (in 1972-1992), Salzburg (1750). The point is that we all live our lives from the inside out, not the other way around. Are you happy--then you live in the best place on earth.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Principles of Texas Newspeak

The corruption of the English language continues apace as the Texas Board of Education makes changes to high school history books. "Slavery", is now "the Atlantic triangle trade". "Expansionism" replaces "imperialism". In "1984", Orwell wrote that "the purpose of Newspeak was not only to provide a medium of expression for the world vision and mental habits proper to the devotee of Ingsoc (read Texas) but to make all other modes of thought impossible. Oldspeak bad..Newspeak doubleplusgood.
By the way, did you hear the one about the two doctors? The first doctor says his patient has suffered a stroke, slurs his words and you can't understand a thing he says. The second doctor replys; "He can always move to Texas".

Monday, May 17, 2010

Tocqueville--the proto-Orwellian

In the May 17th New Yorker James Wood points out that Alexis deTocqueville's observations of America are very Orwellian and appeal to conservatives and anti-totalitarians alike. He says that modern democracy may be adept at inventing new forms of tyranny. "We meekly allow ourselves to be led in ignorance by a despotic force all the more powerful because it does not resemble one," says Tocqueville, one of the great explainers of America (presaging "1984". Orwell was not really interested in America as Christopher Hitchens points out in "Why Orwell Matters". He was fervently interested in England as he writes in his slim volume: "The English People". He says, "It is worth trying for a moment to put oneself in the position of a foreign observer. With his fresh eyes he would see a great deal that a native observer misses." Orwell was the Tocqueville of England. He speaks warmly of the manners of the English working class who are not always very graceful but are extremely considerate. Reading the two authors gives you a very keen understanding and insight into the two great countries "separated by a common language".

On turning 75

My 75th birthday was May 8th. There it was, a number, 3/4 of a century and plenty of shock and awe. I celebrated it in the Bay Area at my wife's 60th high school reunion.
Where did all these old people come from? And to rub it in,all of them have their high school yearbook pictures in a little badge on a string around their necks. At least we've all had a lifetime of experiences, full of the innumerable people you meet along the way. Of course the next 75 years won't be as easy. My favorite birthday memory comes from May 8, 1945 VE Day, one of the most joyous days of my life, riding around in an open car up and down Jasper Ave. in Edmonton, Alberta. The beast was dead at last but of course so were the millions who perished including many members of my family. When you're my age you have plenty of bittersweet memories as well. Shto za zhizn as we say in Russian: What a life!

Fastest way to being a billionaire

While gassing up the car I noticed a sign that said "Become a billionaire" at the pumps. In smaller type it said "Billionaire experience". All you had to do was visit Slurrpie.com. I mock this attempt to be filthy rich but on the other hand I go back to my definition of being rich, "Rich or poor there's no greater satisfaction than a cold beer on a hot day".

My country western haiku.

Two-timing two-stepper from Tucson,
Dances away with his shoes on.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I want to live in Arizona.

That's what the Russian submarine officer said in the film "Hunt for Red October". He said to the Captain, "Do you need papers to go from State to State?" No papers required in the US, you just go where you like, replied the Captain. Then the Sam Neil character said, "I want to live in Arizona". I come from a cold climate and should want to be there but hey, it's hotter than Hades in the summer, the hockey team is bankrupt, I'm not a white Christian bigot and I don't walk around with my passport or birth certificate. Actually, I liked wandering around Russia where everybody was very polite and they produce the best hockey players in the world.